Guest feature: "God please, not again"

Guest feature by Tina Bruner

I’ve heard other Christians talk about audibly hearing God’s voice directing them, usually to a mission field or a call to ministry something huge and profound.

I, on the other hand, in a “glass is half empty” outlook, always thought, yeah, right – it’s only in their imagination, God doesn’t really do that, does He? As if by a queue from a stage manager, enter God …

My husband, Greg, was out of town on business so there I sat in the pew alone. I still get chills even writing this now, but I can honestly say God spoke to me that morning. He whispered in my ear, “adoption.”

I was physically shaken. I remember it so well, I looked around me, there was no one close to me, 'Who said that?' I started crying immediately and telling God, ‘NO! Don’t ask me to do this, please.’

Now, before you click off this blog and tell the world how horrible I am, let me explain.

In 2004 we adopted Lily, the most beautiful 8 month old baby girl from China. The paperwork was trying, the waiting was hard, the travel was uncomfortable, the country was tolerable, the people in China were friendly, the baby … WONDERFUL! The absolute best thing we have ever done. We never looked back with regret about anything. She is truly heaven-sent.

Then what’s the problem? It has nothing to do with “adoption,” it has everything to do with me. At the time I heard God say, ‘Adoption’ I was 40 years old, I had a 20 year old son, a 16 year old son and Lily, who just started kindergarten. I didn’t know if I had the energy for a baby.

I prayed over and over again for God to take this away – I said, ‘Don’t ask me to do this.’ A friend said to me, ‘Maybe you need to change your prayer.’ I did. Instead of asking God to let me out of this, I asked God to give me a heart for this, give me a desire to go through all the paperwork, the wait, the travel, the diapers.

God is good. He did change my heart. The most incredible thing about this was when I asked my husband about adopting again. He was surprised. I had made it very clear when we got back to the states that I have my girl. I’m happy and I don’t want to jump through those hoops again.

What shocked me was what he said to me, “Adopting again has been on my heart and mind a lot the last couple months, but I didn’t say anything to you because I knew how you felt about it.”

WOW! God was working on both of us! This was something that He wanted us to do, so we did it.

Fast forward two years. The process in China has slowed down almost to the point of stopping and now I’m two years older. I wondered, ‘God, are you still in charge here?’

His answer? ‘Yes, and in a big way.’

I received an email with the subject line: Emergency Adoption: Aging-out healthy kids from China…

Of course I immediately opened it and unknowingly opened the door for our new daughter.

Two years ago when we started our adoption journey we went through the motions requesting a baby, just like we did when we adopted Lily 5 years earlier. Truly we never considered anything else at the time, we wouldn’t have even been open to something different, we were so set in our ways we almost missed the blessing God had for us.

My frustration to the wait led me to many waiting children sites, groups and email lists. I have to tell you though as soon as I saw Xi Rui’s picture on the agency website, I thought, “There she is… my daughter!” WOW! She’s 11 years old, what happened to my baby?

Isn’t it amazing that God can be in the middle of doing a great work in your life and you don’t even realize it? My biggest concern was adopting a baby in my 40’s. Well, God didn’t have a baby for me. He had an 11 year old waiting on the other side of the world for me.

Luo, Xi Rui was born November 26, 1997. Her parents died when she was eight months old in a car accident and her Grandfather took her in and cared for her until he was physically unable to provide for her and had to forfeit his right of custody on August 26, 2006.

This is how her orphanage describes her, the translation into English cracks me up:

“Today she is pretty, quiet and genteel girl with big eyes and good-looking cheeks. She laughs very often. When she laughs two dimples appear on her cheek and make her very charming.She is hoping to be adopted by a foreign family so that she can have her own home with warm and loving parents.”

June 25, 2009, we landed in Chicago with our newest “baby.” A 5’1”, 88 lb. baby! With the help of our Chinese guide, Xi Rui decided that she would like to be called Sierra. We gave her Mae Li as middle names.

Mae was her biological mother’s name and Li was her Grandfathers family name. In the weeks to follow we worked on English, played games, cuddled and listened to the stories she shared with us about her Grandpa and her friends at the orphanage. How time can fly so quickly – it seemed to go so slowly waiting for her but now…whew, she’s been an American citizen for 4 months.

Other than wanting to sit on mommy’s lap all the time (which by the way is a little hard since she is only an inch or so shorter than me), she is doing so well. God knew what He was doing.

As I look back at our adoption journey I see God’s hand gently on our back guiding us as you would a young child. We are His children after all, and allowing Him to guide us is the best – yet hardest place to be. Now don’t get me wrong, being in the Lord’s will is awesome, but not easy.

To quote a song that has helped me so much:

“He never promised the cross would not get heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb. He never offered victory without fighting but He said help would always come in time. Just remember when you’re standing in the valley of decision and the adversary says ‘give in,’ just hold on, our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again.”

He always shows up just in time doesn’t He? Our journey to Sierra Mae Li has taken quite a few turns, not to mention YEARS!

But His timing is perfect and He never promised it would be easy to do His will. Just hang on because God is going to do some movin’ and shakin’ in your life if you follow Him. It’s a narrow path so worthy of taking. We are blessed to have taken the Lord’s narrow path on a journey of thousands of miles to our Sierra.

Tina Bruner is the secretary in Olivet's Reed Hall of Science. She is also the co-founder of The Moses Project, an adoption and foster care advocacy group in Kankakee County.