By Stephanie (Quimby) Kumor ’04I was a little nervous for her question as we sat talking on the phone that late afternoon. I knew it was about Christianity, and I was hoping it wasn’t going to be something that would prove too difficult to defend.
A new Christian, Jen had been reading her Bible and was trying to reconcile what she read with what she had observed in church on Sunday.
She got straight to her point. “From everything I have read in the Bible, it seems that children were very important to Jesus. Why is it, then, that in church, they are so looked down upon and kept separate?”
That sounded absurd to me. “What gave you that impression?”
Jen then explained the reactions she continued to receive every time she brought her infant into a church service. Anytime her baby would make a noise at all, she was met with disapproving looks. One person — a complete stranger to Jen — even approached her and stated, “We have a great nursery, you know.”
As I listened to Jen’s concerns, I couldn’t help but feel heartbroken. After praying for Jen for two years and trying to share Christ with her, it was completely disappointing that someone in the church had made her feel uncomfortable about being there.
I did my best to write it off as an isolated incident. I tried to tell her that of course children were of important and valued.
But the next Sunday, when I had my son in service with me, I decided to be more watchful and aware. It was only then that I started to notice a little bit of the hostility people had toward having children in “God’s sanctuary.”
Since I have grown up in the Church and know all of the people, I just hadn’t paid attention before. Quite honestly, I felt comfortable and didn’t really care when 10 people looked back at the slightest noise. My friend, however, who didn’t know anyone and is absolutely new to the Christian church, felt embarrassed and hurt.
Naturally, the story in Matthew 19 of “The little children and Jesus” comes to mind.
I have always thought that the story in Matthew talked about children “running to Jesus” and then the disciples stopped the little kids. However, if you look more carefully, it says that the children were “brought to Jesus” and the disciples “rebuked those who brought them.”
I think that is an important distinction.
How many times have I rolled my eyes or thought “get that child out of here” when the pastor is preaching and I hear a child cry or babble? Isn’t that exactly what Jesus rebuked the disciples for doing?
I guess I haven’t felt guilty about my response in the past, because I figured I wasn’t placing blame on the child; it’s those darn parents’ fault. In reality, though, rebuking parents for wanting to experience church alongside their children is just as ludicrous.
We discourage parents from bringing children to services when we should be encouraging them to make the choice that is right for their family’s needs, whatever their reasons — and even if we don’t understand why. For example, I happen to know my friend has very valid grounds for keeping her baby with her. And so if she were forced to attend services without her baby, she simply would not be in the services.
All of this said, this week is Easter, and our congregations will be flooded by visitors, many of whom are checking out what this whole church thing is all about. Some churches will have “family services” where families are formally invited to keep their children with them for worship. Others will have young ones in the service in spite children’s programming that may be available.
As you encounter these “little ones,” I only urge you to act as Christ would have you act. Be welcoming to these visitors — and their families — and let them bring their children to Jesus. You never know the effect your “looks” can have.
If you must look back at a noise, make sure it is done with a smile. And if the children bother you more than you can possibly stand, just move to the front row where there will surely be no one around to bother you.
Stephanie (Quimby) Kumor is a 2004 graduate of Olivet Nazarene University, where she double majored in psychology and social work. She and her husband, Ben ’04 reside in Omaha, Neb., with their two sons, Caleb and Nathaniel. Stephanie currently oversees Sunday and Wednesday children’s programming for her local church — but promises she won’t be offended if you decide to take your kids with you to service instead.
